[ 04-04-03 ] [ 1:03 p.m.]
[ About a temper ]

Grr. I started a new entry a half hour ago, and it was getting to be pretty long, and then I clicked on an external link and it deleted. Normally this is the type of thing that would send me into a fit of rage, but I'm trying to work on that.

Let me explain. I have inherited my father's temper. I remember when I was little and my parents were still married, my dad used to get mad over little things. He was never violent, just pissy. You know, male PMS or something like that? I didn't know then that I would turn out to be the same way. I get irked so easily that it puts strain on myself and everyone close to me. I've seriously been trying to work on keeping my temper under wraps, but with all the crap that's accumulating right now, it sneaks out like Mountain Dew in my backpack when I don't put the cap on tight. That, by the way, is one of the main things that sets me off. I guess it started last year when I had a Snapple bottle (glass, by the way) in my backpack and it shattered all over my stuff. So now I'm careful about that.

Ugh. This is not geometry class. I am not allowed to go off on a tangent here. Anyway, the bottom line about my temper is that it's "affecting my ability to create and maintain functional peer relationships". This according to my guidance counselor. My response to that is simply:

"DUH!"

Hello, Mrs. Johnston, I KNOW that my temper is affecting my friendships! I know that I take things out on my friends and it makes them mad or upset! Don't you think I'm trying to fix that? But between school, homework, a million friends with a million problems (each), and my mother who never seems to be satisfied, controlling myself is kind of taking a backseat right now.

If I didn't have one friend who didn't purposely or accidentally set me off, I would be crazy. Tim cares about me to death, and he hates it when I'm upset. He also has never made me mad in my life. This is why I'm certain that I should probably hang on to Tim for dear life.

My temper comes as a real turnoff to most boys, mostly because they don't understand why I get mad. It's not like I can really explain it to them, it's just something they have to understand, like Tim does. Tim knows perfectly well that people have anger problems and that I'm one of them, and when he senses I'm "irky", he tries to make me feel better. One of the only other guys I know who have ever done this is Alex. I know I may be jumping to conclusions about him, considering I met him only about a month ago, but the first time I lost my temper in front of him, he came up to me and gave me a hug, and said "it's ok. Just let it out." I don't think he has any idea what that did for me. Then I started crying, and he helped me back to my seat, and even let me have some of his Mountain Dew. Chivalrous, I know, but sweet all the same. I think that's probably why I have a crush on Alex now. That and his sea-green eyes, which I swear, are the prettiest eyes I've ever seen in a guy (up close). First prize still belongs to Tony Stewart, whose eyes are the color of chocolate but do change colors. Shexshy!

Oh, speaking of Shexshy, or maybe just Sexson, the Brewers are playing the Giants right now, and I'm not watching! I'm preoccupied with talking to Carol. Apparently she's getting new glasses frames, which I hope will make her look less like a nerd. They probably won't do a thing, but here's to hoping!

And by the way, all Carol-slamming to occur in this diary is just friendly razzing, seeing as how she reads this journal.

SLEEP! Please, sleep?

Ah. Maybe later.

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