[ 03-07-04 ] [ 10:38 a.m.]
[ Censorship ]

I was in the shower this morning and I got this revelation type deal thing. I was thinking about this diary and pretty much treating it the way I treat homework that I really don't want to do, you know, I'll do it tomorrow and whatever. And I realized something.

I think part of the reason I have problems writing regularly is not laziness, surprising as that may sound. I think it might actually be censorship.

I censor myself a lot. Not because I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for anything I might say, but because people I know read this diary and sometimes I'd like to say mean things about them. Instead I write about my day at school which always happens to be borderline daylog. And I probably bore you people to death.

Anyone who's ever met me in person and talked to me for like more than five minutes in passing knows that I'm not really like how I write in this diary. I'm crude, loud, and high-strung. Yet I read back in this diary and I come off as a nice high school chick with an average life.

Okay, yeah. That's just part of it. I'm a high school chick with an average life, but I'm really a bitch sometimes too.

I've noticed that there aren't many entries when I just open up and bitch about shit. I mean, like shit that matters. You just don't see me go off in here. I mean, I go off all the time. I have a horrible temper. I talked about it in like the first or second entry in this whole diary. But I don't know. I just don't open up here. I talk about my life, and I keep it all inside.

Someday I'm going to really let this diary have it. I'm gonna get mad about something and bitch to my heart's content. But I don't know when. I mean, right now I can barely muster enough energy to form proper sentences.

Someday I'm going to quit sensoring myself. Censorship is no fun.

Oh, and I'm not dating Josh yet either. We're "taking it slow." Whatever.

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