[ 03-04-04 ] [ 5:15 p.m.]
[ A boyfriend again? ]

Wanna hear something weird? Josh just asked me back out.

Not kidding. Not even. I'm gonna take a screenshot of the words to prove it. Not that I feel like I have to prove it to anybody, but it is kind of a shock. We dated, we broke up, we talked like friends then we got in another fight, and now we're probably going to be going out again. It's very weird how these things happen.

I read Liz's diary the other day and she was talking about how weird things must be when I swear off boys and she starts to obsess about them. I think it's even weirder that every time I swear off of boys, I get asked out and ultimately end up unhappy at the end of the relationship.

In honesty, the only reason I was unhappy at the end of my relationship with Josh was because I didn't realize that I had a guy that loved me and I wanted breathing room. I could have asked for space, but instead I thought I needed detachment. It was really bad and everything, entirely my fault, and at the end of it all I just wanted to make it up to Josh.

For a little while, we talked and stuff, and then for some unknown reason, we got into another fight. And I started talking to him again yesterday, and I just wanted to be friends again, and wouldn't you know - he asked me back out.

This is a decision that might take a little time. How many people would it totally freak out if tomorrow Josh and I started holding hands and kissing like we always used to do? People are so accustomed to me and Josh being the epitome of non-item. It's just kind of common knowledge that my friends are no longer Josh's friends, and visa. It was that kind of breakup.

And I also need to consider the fact that there's someone else in my life. I don't exactly know if this person would be all that accepting of me dating Josh. S/he doesn't like him very much. In fact, Josh is one of the people that s/he wishes were dead. But I called him/her and s/he said s/he would support me if I dated Josh. (Notice there's no gender specification. This person will remain secret, thanks.)

So that pretty much gives me the green light. I've thought about it, and I'm pretty sure I will accept. I really like Josh, and I can't help imagining the looks on some people's faces when they find out. Particularly Chris, who deserves one after treating me like he did. Some people say the car accident was my revenge, but see, I didn't intend to get in the car accident, and it really hurt me more than it hurt him.

*sigh* I don't know what I should do. This is a really big decision.

Funny, it comes at the time when I was just starting to think of boys after my homework.

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