[ 12-03-03 ] [ 10:09 p.m.]
[ Still more caps (and love lives) ]

Now I have another problem. Of course it has to do with my messed up love life. Like I can't concentrate on the rest of my damned problems without worrying about boys and whatnot. Anyway, this problem has almost nothing to do with Chris. I don't know if that's good or bad - it gets my mind off of Chris, but it just creates more stuff to think about.

So anyway, I've had a crush on Nathan for a few years now (even though he's like a brother to me) and he's one of my very good friends as well. Lately he's been having problems with this girl he likes and he's been coming to me for advice. She doesn't like him as anything more than a friend and because he tried so hard to get her to go out with him she doesn't even want to be friends. I feel so bad for him. He's very sweet and he'd never intentionally hurt someone; it's just that he kinda fell for a bitchy girl.

So I was talking to him today and he looked so sad. I think he really has more than just a crush on her. I told him I would always be around for him and he said he was grateful for that. As much as I like him, I can't mess him up any more than he already is. Besides, I'm messed up inside, too. But I know I won't be able to get over the fact that he's coming to me for advice.

But I know, as much as I love Nathan (you know, sibling-ish) that it doesn't take the edge off of my love for Chris. While Nathan was on my mind all day, because he just looked so sad, Chris was on my mind all day for the same reasons he is every day. It was just him and me, no Tyler, in the computer lab today, and I was bored and taking tests on thespark.com. Pretty revealing tests, too, and Chris was watching. Ahem. He sat across from me at lunch, and even though he wasn't there after school Rose says that she talked to him about me. Although she won't tell me if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I really want to know what he said. Maybe he said he likes me, and... ugh. Why am I torturing myself?

I don't think this entry makes much sense. I've been losing sleep over the past few nights, so I'm not completely comprehensible. So I'm leaving you to this for now.

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