[ 07-10-03 ] [ 3:58 p.m.]
[ On writing for an audience ]

I wish it were Friday, seriously, because I have no clue whatsoever on what to write right now. At least having the Friday Five to do would give me something to say.

Man, being a diarist sure isn't easy when you're writing for an audience.

Okay, about that. When I had my old diary, I wasn't really writing for as big of a "fanbase" as I have now. The number of linkers of my old diary was three or four. Now today, 26 people list me as one of their favorites, and while I have no idea how many of them actually read me on a daily basis, I know that only two of those twenty six are diaries that I run.

So yeah, with 24 people who at least acknowledge my exsistence, I am technically writing for an audience.

Also, figure in the fact that I'm a review whore. That makes everything I say doubly important, because it's under the scrutiny of any reviewers I happen to ask to review this thing.

Which brings me to the age-old question that we Diarylanders have asked since review sites started - why? Why do we need someone else's opinion on what we feel, think, and do, and the way we write it down? Why do we need someone else to tell us how amazing we are or how much we suck?

Maybe it's because humans have a natural tendency to want to be told how amazing and wonderful we are. I know I always feel better about myself when I get back a good review with comments on how I'm a good writer and they can relate at least somewhat to what I write. Good reviews are a real confidence booster, especially if they come with constructive criticism, because then I have something to work on for the next person who comes along.

But I know I won't always win over everyone who happens upon this diary, which makes it extra hard to accept when someone tells me my diary sucks up the wazoo and I should send it to the Diaryland trash recepticle. I've been fortunate enough to only recieve one or two reviews like this - even from one of the "I hate you before I even look at your diary, so I'm going to fucking give you a zero" review sites, I got a relatively decent score. But man, when someone doesn't like you and they make sure you know that, it just leaves a kind of sting.

I don't personally talk about the reviews I've recieved in my diary. I know some people give their own commentary and whatnot about every review they get back. But when I got my first review back from USA Reviews, which was an 82, I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to comment about it. It's not that it was a bad review - it was actually a very helpful, kind and constructive review - it's just that I knew in my heart that someday I'd get a review I wouldn't be happy with, and I'd be reluctant to talk about it because I might get angry and offend the reviewer.

Being a reviewer myself, I know how much it sucks when someone isn't happy with a review and they decide to come after you on it. I just didn't want anyone to find this diary with a rant about a bad review. I mean, just because I might not have left nasty notes in the reviewer's inbox, doesn't mean that they wouldn't have somehow found my reaction.

If I would write my reactions to every review in this diary, I'd have a lot of people mad at me. For instance, there's a review that I got a score over 95 on, and I hate it. The person did a wonderfully sloppy job of reviewing, giving me one sentence explanations on everything and obviously not even taking the time to properly read the diary like they were supposed to. See, even though the score was a good one, I don't like to be told that I'm a good read if the person is just guessing.

I guess that could happen both ways. I could submit my diary to another review site and get a review back with all one sentence explanations on how much I suck. See, the way I look at it is, if you're not going to take the time and energy to get a feel for the person and at least read some of their diary, then why are you reviewing? It's not fair to send someone away with a "you suck but I can't tell you why because I never actually read your diary." People are asking for reviews to get honest answers, and that's what they should be given.

See, that's the kind of rant that I never want a reviewer to find. I don't want to start a Diaryland mini-war over an unsatisfactory review, because it just isn't worth it. I asked for an opinion, I got one I didn't like, move on with it. No sense in taking up my time and energy, and someone else's time and energy, to fight about it. Chances are there's another reviewer out there just waiting to give me the constructive criticism I need to make myself a better read.

In the meantime, it's a guaranteed fact, as I said earlier, that I'm not going to win over everyone. In a world like the internet, where you barely know the people you're associating with, you have to take the bad with the good. Just like the world around us, we don't always relate to each other like we should. Someone might happen upon this diary and not relate to a single thing I've written and from there decide that it's not worth their time to keep coming back. I'm going to have to live with that. I know I can't have every Diarylander like my diary. But since I can't, I'm going to continue to be myself, because that's the only person I really want to be.

My dad once told me that not everyone's going to like me, but the people who don't I don't need. Those are really wise words, now that I think about it. I've made some really awesome friends online, friends who I wouldn't trade for anything. I've also turned people away because they don't like the way I am. But this is me, this is my diary, my thoughts, my life. This is me.

My audience is just going to have to live with that.

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