[ 04-09-03 ] [ 4:12 p.m.]
[ Another breakdown ]

This depression thing is a problem that simply is not getting better.

Today I was all set to have a good day. I wasn't going to let anything get to me. I was just going to go to school, be happy, and forget that my life is currently sitting in the "SUCKS" zone. Unfortunately, I didn't get to do that.

Damn you, Zach.

And I introduce you to the enemy of this story. Zach is a perverted asshole whose two favorite things seem to be pretending that I want to jump into bed with him, and getting me into trouble. I feel embarrassed to write this, because this is a poor misguided loser we're talking about, but the reason for all this negative energy focused on me is because he's had a crush on me for longer than he could talk. He obviously can't stand the fact that I can't force myself to stoop to his level. Which is about a million levels beneath the lowest scum on earth.

And anyway, having heard from all my friends who are concerned about me, he knows that I'm going through a pretty rough time. So what does the fucker do? He sets it up as to frame me for something he did.

The story: Last trimester, I had a study hall with Zach and my fellow orange-lover Alysha. Zach, being the pervert he is, thought it would be a real hoot to make a pornographic story involving me, him, and Alysha under a different name. Alysha and I both told him he was being a stupid pervert and that he should quit writing it, but he didn't. He saved it to his hard drive, and today, he pulled it up to show it to his friends Matt and Andy as a trophy. They took it from him, turned it in, and when they called Zach down to Nettesheim's office to ask him about it, he blamed it on me. Said I wrote the whole thing.

Well, when Nettesheim accused me (not asked, not interrogated - he actually accused me) of writing the story, I broke down. I started crying right in his office, and after he'd sucked all the information he needed from me, he made his aide take me to Mrs. Johnston's office. This made me feel bad, naturally, because how much of her time have I used up this trimester? It probably totals a couple of week's worth, by now.

Anyway, after I managed to calm down (something I always do in the presence of a few people, Mrs. Johnston included), I went to the choir rooms and did the thing I do best - vented all my frustrations on 88 keys of ebony and ivory. That's a piano, for those of you who weren't sure.

I was calmed down enough by 3:10, but so somber. I wanted to talk to Tim and Sarah, and let them know what was going on. But guess who I had to confront first?

If you said Zach, you're a pretty damn good guesser.

After screaming in his face and having yet another lovely breakdown, I realized something very heartening: the whole area where we were standing looked like the U.S. army versus the Iraq army. Everybody flanking me. Not a single person sticking up for him.

This is very good to know.

And, just like a heroine of some sort, my right hand people were right where they were supposed to be. Tim and Alex on one side, Sarah and Missy on the other, the rest of the group filling in around us. Finally, Mr. Shearier, my old economics teacher, came over to get Zach out of the hole he'd dug into.

What shocked me the most about my flanking was the fact that Missy was right there, arguing for my cause as hard as Tim, Alex, or Sarah. Missy and Zach have a history, Missy is another of those girls that Zach likes to pretend wants him. He doesn't hate her nearly as much as he hates me, though, which I'm completely fine with.

I felt honored to be in the presence of such awesome people. All of them hugged me, even Alex (!!!), and told me that they supported me 110% over Zach. Casey gave me a ride home, and when I checked my messages, I had six or seven supportive voicemails from my friends. And then, the awesome g-book entry Erin left for me put a capper on my good mood.

The only thing that bothers me about all of this is my lack of two best friends defending me. Carol was nowhere to be found.

And she still has no idea what went on.

I have a bad feeling...

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