[ 05-31-03 ] [ 9:57 p.m.]
[ Am I in love? ]

I'm trying to figure out this problem with my AIM, and it's driving me up a friggin' brick wall. I really want to talk to someone and get a problem sorted out, but my AIM is being a pain in the ass.

Surprisingly, that's all I have to gripe about at the moment.

That's likely because I'm very immersed in thinking about Alex.

About the only thing I did today was think about Alex. Even when my dad was trying to give me this heart-to-heart about my habit of writing slash (apparently he read some that I left unlocked on his computer and showed it to my mom), I was thinking about last night. When my dad was telling me that I have an awesome talent but that I could use it differently, I was trying not to laugh because Alex told me the same thing when he found out that I write slash.

Every little thing has reminded me of Alex. Everything. Love songs that I used to hate remind me of him. The sound of the phone ringing reminds me of him. For Christ's sake, even the sound of me typing reminds me of him.

Is this what it's like to be in love?

When I'm all alone like I am right now, listening to my CD player, it's really easy for me to remember last night. I can just close my eyes, and there we are again, making fun of the sappy ending to "Finding Nemo" while holding hands, walking through the arcade flanked by our friends, waiting together for my mom, hugging goodbye...

I got really giddy this afternoon when he called my dad's house. First of all, I never gave him my dad's number, which means he got it from someone at my house and actually wanted to talk to me enough to call my dad's. We spent an hour talking, he apologized for not being able to pick me up for 4-wheeling because his parents said he couldn't come get me because he missed his curfew. He told me he really enjoyed himself last night, and more than once he referred to me as his girlfriend. We made plans with the friends to go see "Bruce Almighty" this weekend (and get there early enough to sit together) and he told me he couldn't wait to see me Monday.

I feel so happy I can't even believe I'm alive.

Remember those couple of entries I wrote back in April about not wanting to be alone? I realize now that I was dead on. Even before Alex and I were officially together, when I was with him, those feelings of being alone just evaporated. And last night, it was such an odd and incredible feeling to be the envied one holding her boyfriend's hand while some of the others were still stuck alone.

Having a boyfriend is incredibly appealing.

Having a boyfriend I'm crazy for is even better.

Am I in love? I really, really hope so.

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