[ 05-30-03 ] [ 4:44 p.m.]
[ Finally - a real update! (Aren't you proud?) ]

Have I managed to freak a few people out yet?

Yeah, I went through an entirely depressive phase. I felt like shit, like suicide was a one-way ticket to paradise. I feel a little better now, because the last two days have been pretty okay.

I just feel like the people who said they care about me, the ones who always shower me with compliments and seem to be there in the nick of time, just aren't caring lately. Granted, they have lives. But a few people that I've really come to depend on have left me hanging lately, and it hurts.

If she's reading this, she knows who she is. Or she had better know, because I don't want to be the one that has to tell her it's her that's hurting me. She's got her own problems, her love life is falling apart in front of her eyes, she's losing the guy she loves, I know, I know. Don't tell me what kind of a grinch I am. I already know. I just feel that, well, friends are supposed to try and talk their friends out of a suicidal funk.

I'm thankful for Alex, at the moment. Tonight is our first date. Granted, it's a group date, but still. We're going out to see "Finding Nemo" with a bunch of friends, but I can bet you that come tomorrow I won't be able to tell you what exactly the movie was about.

Speaking of Alex, there was a nice "ha ha" from me to Tim this morning when I waved the paper with Alex's number in front of Tim's nose. He actually gave me his number quite willingly - I didn't even have to ask him, he just tore off a piece of paper and scribbled out his number. And when I gave him my number, he put it in his wallet. (Zach and Tim both assure me that this is a sign that having my number is important to Alex. Something about guys carrying all of their lives' importance in their wallets. Is this true? I have no idea.)

Anyway, I have to go start getting ready, so when I get back I'll fill y'all in about the date... and the incredibly interesting events of the choir concert last night...

Yeah. Um?

I'm going now. Aren't you glad I finally updated?

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