[ 05-09-03 ] [ 7:18 a.m.]
[ Fake ]

Since I was very little, performing has always been one of my greatest stress-reliefs. There was just something about being on stage in front of huge crowds of people that appealed to me. It's still like that today. I suffer from no stage fright.

At the same time, the love of performing that I have is probably one of the reasons that I'm among the best piano students my piano teacher currently teaches. Last night was the annual recital, and for the fourth year in a row, I occupied the final spot on the program, reserved for Paula's most advanced student.

"The Entertainer" was a hit. A total sell. I got a standing ovation from the parents in the crowd.

Dawn and Ashley were also there, because Paula agreed to let us sing the Lullaby, which was also very popular with the audience.

The multitude of nice comments we got from people made me feel really good about myself.

Until some lady called me "overrated." She told me that I was a fake pop star and that if I didn't "pay respect" I would never amount to anything.

Needless to say, I had no clue what she was talking about.

According to her, I talked through the whole recital, giggling in the back row with Dawn and Ashley.

My immediate response was that that wasn't possible. For one thing, Dawn and Ashley and I sat in the second to back row and played babysitter while we tried to keep the younger kids quiet. And for the second thing, how would the lady know if we were talking, seeing as how she was on the other side of the room, in the front row?

That comment bothered me a little.

Okay. A lot.

And it also didn't help my mood when Carol didn't show up, like she promised me she would.

It was kinda hard for me not to think I was a fake last night.

After all, who was I supposed to tell? My dad and grandparents were already gone, as were Dawn and Ashley, and you already know about my feelings on telling my mom stuff like that.

And I felt worse about myself after I got home, because I took it out on Carol, like I usually do.

That lady's words just keep coming back and haunting me.

Am I really a fake?

[ ]

[ last ] [ next ]