[ 05-21-03 ] [ 8:22 a.m.]
[ An incredibly boring update ]

Okay. Not a week. A half a week. I'm at my grandma's again, and I'm going home Saturday.

And already, I'm not going to school today.

No, not because of the depression this time, because I'm about to puke all over the keyboard, and because I spent most of last night hunched over the toilet, ehrm, releasing my innards. I suppose that's what I get for making chicken salad at my grandma's house, where you can't trust anything that's been in the refrigerator since the last time you were there.

I hope that this sick day will give me the chance to get a couple of reviews done at USA Reviews. I'm really behind, and I realize how hypocritical I'm being, considering I was talking to Melody once about how people that don't review for weeks on end shouldn't be allowed to review. I have the three pending reviews assigned to me partially done, but I just can't find the time and/or ambition to finish them. I guess that's what you get for having Spring Fever.

I hate making Alex and Tim worry, and I know that as soon as I get back to school tomorrow, I'm going to get my ass chewed by both of them for not showing up and making them worry. I just... ugh. I don't even want to think about school right now, seeing as how I'll probably start crying from all the pretty F's I'll be seeing in a few weeks. I told Grandma last night that the reason I'm doing so shitty in school is that there's been so much on my mind, with the depression, and the cutting, and my tendency to not eat, and the shitload of makeup work I still haven't done, and missing all my classes all the time, etc. I know I'm going to find myself the target of an atomic bomb when my parents get my report card. Likely, it'll be all F's and D's. If I average those predicted grades with my first six-weeks grades, say if I get all D's, I would have a D in Geometry, a C in Astronomy, a B in Choir, and a C in History. So not too bad, but not up to my usual standards. And still subject to get my head fed to me for breakfast.

I've decided that for the last couple weeks of school I'm going to work my ass off to at least get some C's. My parents would understand C's and D's with my depression, but not F's. That's going too far for them, even if it's killing me because I just can't concentrate. I just really don't feel like being grounded all summer, or worse, being grounded from Bristol.

Speaking of summer, I'm already hired for a summer job, and one I don't want at that. Five weeks of my summer spent babysitting? Ugh. Sure, the pay is spectacular, but the days are long, and the kids, even though they're my cousins, are much too rowdy for my tolerance. That, and with my depression, my tendency to cut, and my habit of not eating, I'm not sure I would be able to handle the stress of babysitting without totally losing it. I would much rather work at Shopko for the summer, in a low pay, low stress job, than babysit in a high pay, high stress job. Besides, my ex-boss still owes me money from the four weeks of class I taught before I got fired.

What was I talking about again?

I swear, it must be the Pepto Bismol. I don't usually ramble like this, about things nobody cares to hear about, no less. Anyhoo, I'm going back to bed before my grandparents get home and see that I'm not sleeping and I get my ass chewed.

Again.

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