[ 02-03-05 ] [ 9:31 p.m.]
[ It's been a lazy day ]

Today has been the sort of day when doing anything productive sounds like going to the dentist to get your wisdom teeth pulled. That might explain why I cut three classes and laid around with my feet hanging out the window all afternoon.

As one would imagine, 50 degree and sunny days don't come around much in the north in February; particularly not in Marquette, where in the winter it snows six days out of seven.

I did manage to wake up and get dressed today - no, amazingly, I didn't spend the whole day in pajama pants and a t-shirt - and I even did make one of my four scheduled classes. That, of course, was because I had a test to take - a test I really should have studied harder for as I have a feeling that I may have done 'C' work. After that, I went to the University Center for the blood drive, but got turned away at screening because my blood iron is too low. I bought some multi-vitamins the last time I went to Wal-Mart and I've been taking those to keep my blood iron up, but the nurse who did the screening told me that my blood iron is low because I'm just starting my period, and blood iron levels are always low during your period. Also, she said, while blood centers won't turn you away if you're on the rag, it's not very healthy to give blood during your period - especially toward the middle to early end of it, when you lose and have lost the most blood.

I honestly feel a little disappointed that I wasn't able to give blood. It's kind of odd, I know, but giving blood always makes me feel better about myself. As though I know I'm helping someone in need. I know people (notably, Carol) who flinch at the thought of needles, but that sort of thing has never bothered me and I have a high threshold of pain anyway so giving blood has never been a chore for me. Next weekend when my dad comes to visit me, I think I may ask him if he'll take me to the Marquette blood center so I can donate.

Speaking of visits, my grandparents are coming up this weekend, so I'll have two weekends in a row - potentially three, if my mom comes up on the 19th-21st. It is always great to see familiar faces walk through your dorm room door. Contrary to what might be true for other people, it gets very lonely up here all by myself. Like I said yesterday, I don't really have any close friends up here - none I can really get close to enough to make my constant ache for love go away. I think part of my problem about making friends is that I'm very, very reluctant to let someone else for fear of making Carol, Dawn, and Liz less important. It's probably an irrational fear, but it's there regardless.

I'm pretty proud that I haven't managed to have a serious breakdown yet this semester, issues with Rueben's death aside, since that doesn't really count. I feel that I'm allowed to cry over a dog I've known and loved since she was a puppy, as opposed to things I cried about back in the first semester, like missing home and family, and not wanting to grow up, etc. Granted, I've only just completed three weeks of the fifteen (?) that are in this semester, but three weeks into the first semester, I'd already been home once and had a few more rough breakdowns. Yes, it was adjusting to college and being away from home, but my adjusting took nearly all semester. I feel so much more well-adjusted now. I still miss home and friends and family, but the deep longing ache that I felt all first semester - especially closer to Christmas break - has numbed to a dull roar. Some days are worse than others, but most days are better than my best day in the first semester.

I know a lot of that homesickness is helped by the fact that Carol is online nearly as much as I am nowadays. First semester, she seemed so much farther away than she does right now. I still don't get to see her face and it's rare that I get to hear her voice, but talking to her online is helping me stay close to her. Of course, she knows that wherever she is, I am. Alright, sorry for the momentary mushiness.

All in all, as a college student and a person, I'm improving. Now comes getting rid of my bad habit of cutting class. I can already tell I'm going to have a ton of problems getting to my Tuesday and Thursday 6pm class because, well, it's a night class and attendance isn't mandatory.

I am incurably lazy.

Not too lazy to write a long and thoughtful diary entry though, and for that I'm thankful.

[ ]

[ last ] [ next ]