[ 08-02-03 ] [ 9:37 p.m.]
[ Keeping it in the family ]

A word must be said about my maternal grandmother's family before I write what happened today.

For generations, the entire family lived in a small farm community and it wasn't all that uncommon to hear of first or second cousins marrying within the family. Years ago, my grandmother's family started a tradition that they still recognize today. Since each of their children are born within several years of each other, the oldest male child and the oldest female child of a new generation were wed (unless of course, the eldest children were siblings.) It's a tradition that has lived on for over 150 years, and the last four marriages have come down to fourth cousins marrying, which, in our family, we no longer consider "incest." I'm fully aware that this is quite an unsettling practice, but it's how my grandma's family has lived for generations, and they still follow their traditions.

For the record, the last three marriages within the family have all been between fourth cousins. My great-grandma, Shirley, ended up marrying her fourth cousin Jack Jr. My grandma's sister, Eunice, married Jack III. My mom's cousin, Carrie, married Sam. I am a part of the generation that should see the next wedding sometime very soon.

The oldest male is my fifth cousin, 18-year-old Paul. The oldest female is my cousin Jamie, who is 21. Her sister, Jessica, is second oldest, and I'm third.

In any normal situation, this would allow me to run off and marry whoever I want, if I even choose to get married at all. But, unfortunately, this is no normal situation.

My mother's sister, Jeanne, who is Jamie and Jessica's mother, always thought the practice of marrying within the family was sexist, rude, and disgusting. She married a man with her same opinions, and because they both wanted children as soon as possible, they moved to California to escape the family.

Needless to say, my grandma's family immediately wrote her out of their family. When they heard that Jamie was born, a few years early than when the family had planned for the next generation to come, they ignored her. The same with Jessica. They were too focused on me.

When my mom found out that I would be the eldest female, she kept me away from Grandma's family as much as she could. My uncle, Tony, who is actually my third cousin (but he's everybody's uncle), is a total stickler for family tradition. Seeing how he's the eldest family member still alive, he kind of dictates things. He's the kind of sweet old man who's always sympathetic to your plight, and I don't think he'd make me marry a first cousin, but you can never be too sure when it comes to family tradition.

In any case, it wouldn't have mattered, because Paul and I are so distantly related I'm not sure if it still could be considered incest.

I rarely see Grandma's side of the family. Mom has spent years fighting against marrying me off to my cousin, keeping me away from family functions because she, like Jeanne, doesn't agree with the tradition. Not to say I'm in favor of it myself; I think it's pretty sick to know that somehow, distantly, I came from two people who were first cousins. In fact, up until last September, I had no idea this tradition even went on.

For crying out loud, the last time I saw Paul and all my other distant cousins was when I was nine, and we all went swimming in Uncle Tony's bass pond.

Knowing full well that I was going to face questions on my impending marriage to Paul, I came with my mom to Cory's wedding. (Cory is in my mom's generation. He was the youngest, and at 38 years old just finally got married.)

Apparently, because of my mother's reluctance to make me a part of the family, they'd all been doing some serious discussing. When Carrie and Sam were engaged, Sam was also dating another girl, and up until the wedding he wasn't sure of which one he'd marry. Eventually he decided he'd marry Carrie, but not because Tony was threatening him or anything. Actually, Tony took him aside and gave him a nice long talk on how, even if he decided not to marry Carrie, he wouldn't be letting the family down at all. So apparently now the family has decided that it's now an option to continue tradition.

To be quite honest, I don't know Paul very well. Back when I was nine, he was "that snobby boy" to me, and I hung out with his sisters and my other girl cousins. I hadn't seen him in eight years, even though he lives in Menasha. When I walked into the room, I didn't even recognize him.

That's likely because he looks so different now. When he was ten, he was a little blond haired boy. Now he has dark, dark hair, and his grandpa's (Tony's) brown eyes. In fact, I thought he was Jack V, because all the Jacks have had dark hair and eyes. (Jack V, by the way, is blond haired and blue eyed. Entirely his mother's fault.) When my mom corrected me and told me he was Paul, I nearly fell out of my chair. Likewise, when she pointed out to me who was Jack V, I did the same thing.

After the ceremony and dinner, my cousins and I went down to the bar. Landsae (16) and Gracey (13), who live up in Langley where the wedding was held, showed us around town, and told us it'd be all right if we went into the bar to hang out. There were nine of us total. In the past, I've always hung out with Sarah, Katelyn, and Landsae, but today I found myself hanging out with none other than Paul.

I got to know him a lot better, and realized that he's a really sweet guy. He's not very keen on the marrying in the family tradition, but he said that Tony really wants him to, even if it's not to me. I guess Tony just wants Paul to marry into the family, whether it's to me, Katelyn, or Landsae (Sarah is Paul's sister.) Paul said he'd much rather marry me, because he knows me best. Needless to say, I spent the whole day with Paul, playing pool and video games, dancing at the reception, walking around town (holding hands) and I got his phone number, e-mail address, AIM name, snail mail address, cell phone number, etc. (As I type this we're carrying on an IM conversation.) We were kissing by the end of the day, and it made the whole family go wild when we kissed goodbye at the reception hall. I even heard Tony shout, "Plan the wedding!"

I don't know how I feel about Paul. He's totally sweet and adorable and any girl would be in love with him, and I would too, except for the fact that I'm distantly related to him. As far as the other boys in my life are concerned, I've written Dan out, but I still have hope for Alex.

And besides, I don't like the whole pre-arranged marriage thing. Way too 18th century for my taste.

I just don't know where to go with this life.

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