[ 03-13-05 ] [ 10:41 p.m.]
[ She wants to go home but nobody's home ]

Never underestimate the power of your dumbass father to make you feel at least a little better about going back to a place where you don't want to go.

It was quite entertaining for me to watch my dad dancing around behind the wheel of his truck to Ted Nugent's "Great White Buffalo" and drumming on the wheel. And while I was a bit disgruntled that he was blasting the radio while I was trying to sleep, I have to admit his childish attitude today helped me feel a little better about returning to the snowhole.

I'm still not enthusiastic about the last two months of my freshman year of college, but I don't feel like I'm going to burst into tears at any minute. Last night, I was feeling horribly sensitive, started crying in the middle of "Independence Day" and couldn't watch the rest of the movie. Then I laid awake reading "The Sapphire Rose" and started crying again when I turned out the light.

I do not enjoy being brought back to the place I love for an excruciatingly short time just to have to go back to a place I dislike.

I don't have the energy or the will for college. I need to go see a counselor, or I will burn out in less than a week. I just can't force myself to care about the rest of my college life. I want my mother. I want my dad. I want my girlfriend and my friends. I want my dog. I want my home.

I don't want to be here. I want to go home.

Even thinking about this afternoon's drive with my dad isn't really helping me feel better anymore. It just makes me wish I could have this afternoon back.

I'm hopelessly homesick.


[EDIT] It's amazing how much a few kind words and someone's high opinion can do for a person who's hovering on her emotional edge. Thank you so much. Not only for the best review I've ever recieved, but for delivering it just in the very nick of time to save what would have been a very bad night.

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