[ 01-25-05 ] [ 1:05 p.m.]
[ Of windows ]

If it weren't enough that winter is the most sun-deprived time of the year, four out of five of the classrooms where my classes meet this semester don't have windows. The only room that does, the one for my piano class, has a row of small windows at the front of the room that gives the room a bright ambience - unfortunately, my piano class rarely leaves me time to look out the window, considering I'm paying more attention to the piano.

I don't particularly enjoy being without sunlight. That's probably a big reason that winter is my least favorite season. If I go too long without sunlight, I tend to get SAD (which I think means Seasonal Affect Disorder), and then all kinds of bad things start to happen. Last winter, I got SAD and started to pull my hair out. I still haven't been able to break myself of that habit.

So far, I haven't had any signs of SAD wreaking havoc on me this year, but that doesn't mean that it couldn't start. I didn't get SAD last year until after Christmas break, and considering it's only the second week after break, I haven't been back at college long enough to get depressed.

I don't really ache for home right now, either. For me, there are two kinds of missing home - the constant buzzing pain that I've learned to live with, the kind that never leaves, no matter what kind of high I get on. The other kind is like I've had a gaping hole torn in my chest and had my entire life ripped out. It's such an intense pain that I sometimes feel like I could die with it. It was the same pain I got the first week of college, the week in October when I needed to go home, and right before Christmas Break, when I knew home was in sight but I couldn't quite get there.

I had almost counted on that pain coming as soon as my mom left last Monday. But it hasn't come yet. I'm secretly praying that it won't.

Something that I know makes the homesickness a lot easier to deal with is the fact that Carol has a laptop now, and doesn't have to steal her roommate's laptop just to talk to me. It means that I get to talk to her every day, whether it's for a few hours or for a few minutes. In the first semester, I felt so distant from Carol that it stung. Now, I still miss her like crazy, but since we get to talk almost anytime (provided that homework isn't coming between us.)

And another thing that really helps is the fact that Spring Break is about a month away. Just one month, and I'll be back home again. It makes home seem so much closer than 120 miles to the south.

The one thing that I really find myself missing right now is the sun. It snows so much up here, and while it really is quite beautiful, it's also annoying when you can't walk flat on the ground because there's so much snow. It's never really that cold out here, it just snows. I'd take snow over cold any day, but really, over three feet is really quite rediculous.

I wish this room had a window. Computer Concepts is an incurably boring class, and if I had a window to look out of, then at least I could watch the snow.

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